I was overcome with despair. I was profoundly discouraged with myself – with my sin
Feeling myself sliding down the steep slope of hopelessness into the pit of despondency I turned to the only place I could go – Jesus. I went for an emotional, tear-filled walk around our neighbourhood in Winnipeg. My prayer was pretty simple,
“Jesus, have mercy on me a wretched sinner. Forgive me and cleanse me.”
As I was slowly limping down the road with a broken spirit a friend who was driving up the street toward me slowed down to say “hi”. He was aware, for the most part, of the circumstance in which I now found myself.
“Hey Dave, how ya doin’?”, was his good-natured greeting.
When he saw my face he knew the answer.
“Kelly, I’m doing really bad. I’m seeing what a terrible person I am. I’m selfish, self-centered, arrogant, and manipulative. I have hurt way too many people – especially my wife. How can God love someone like me?”
My friend Kelly had known me for many years. He knew the good and the bad. He was not particularly known for his grace and gentleness. He calls it the way he sees it. He’s a straight shooter. He will say what needs to be said.
On this occasion he simply said,
“Dave, God has known that about you for years. He’s just letting you see it now. Gotta go.”
And with that he drove off.
My first thought was, “Jerk!”
But the Lord helped me to see that what Kelly had shared with me was a profound truth. Yes, God has known the depth of my sin for decades, and He loved me in spite of my sin. His gift to me now was to enable me to see my sin.
How is seeing the depth of my sin a gift from God?
Because we cannot know Him if we don’t see our sin. If we don’t see the depth of our sin we cannot experience the depth of His grace, mercy, forgiveness and love.
It actually felt like God was forcing me to look in the mirror to see the blackness of my depravity. He was not allowing me to look away until I was broken by my own brokenness. It felt as though He had His hand on the back of my head requiring me to take a long hard look at myself until how I saw myself was forever changed.
You see, my real problem was arrogance.
I thought I was a pretty good guy. I thought God was pretty lucky to have me on His team. I brought a lot of horsepower. People really liked me. In fact, I fed more on the approval and approbation of people than I did on the Truth of God. I loved the praise of man more than the praise of my Father. And, I used my gifts to serve myself instead of serving God.
I was really messed up. But, I didn’t know it.
At least I didn’t know it until the Lord had mercy on me and began to show me how messed up I was.
I began to dive into scripture to discover the Truth. The Psalms, Isaiah and Romans came particularly alive to me. And then it began to dawn on me. As I was reading Romans I began to discover the grace of God.
Wow. Nothing I can do can make me holy or right with God. It’s only by the grace and mercy of God I can be transformed – through the forgiveness of Christ and the redemptive work of the Holy Spirit. The righteous live by faith – faith in Jesus, not in my own goodness.
By faith in Christ we receive a new heart! We become a new creation! We don’t live, but Christ lives in us! I have nothing to prove because I am made whole in Jesus!
Ask the Lord to have mercy on you and help you see the depth of your sin, so by faith you can experience the depth of His grace, mercy, forgiveness and love.
It’s a gift to see your sin.
Romans 3:22-24
“This righteousness is given through faith in Jesus Christ to all who believe. There is no difference between Jew and Gentile, for all have sinned and fall short of the glory of God, and all are justified freely by his grace through the redemption that came by Christ Jesus.”
2 Corinthians 5:17
“Therefore, if anyone is in Christ, the new creation has come: The old has gone, the new is here!”
Galatians 2:20
“I have been crucified with Christ and I no longer live, but Christ lives in me. The life I now live in the body, I live by faith in the Son of God, who loved me and gave himself for me.”