Go On Without Me

DSC_8930 (2)168 – wow, that’s high.

Let’s see, maximum heart rate is 220 minus your age.  That makes my maximum heart rate 169, and I’m at 168…

We were on the side of Goat Mountain, having just hiked up and over Dam Mountain on our way to Mount Crown.  Feeling the overwhelming nature of this arduous act of physical exertion I needed to stop regularly to regain my cardiovascular composure.  My heart would routinely spike to 168 beats per minute, I would rest to get it back down to a manageable level, and then we would continue hiking.

My sons and I were away on our annual men’s getaway.  We call it our “testicle festival”.  I had made the unwise suggestion to climb Mount Crown.  David and Benjamin leapt at the chance for another conquest of Crown.  We had first made this epic hike years earlier when the boys were somewhere around 10 years old, and I was in far better shape.  I had completely forgotten how difficult this hike was.

What makes it so difficult is the fact that you actually climb 3 mountains to get to the top of Crown – Dam, Goat and finally Crown.  So, no matter which direction you are hiking you always have to go up and down.  Some sections of the hike are so steep you need the assistance of climbing chains that are anchored into the rocks.  One the final descent down Goat and the final ascent up Crown you are often climbing with all four limbs due to the steepness of the grade.

Needless to say, the mountain was beating me in this battle to the top.  Not only my cardio vascular system, but my legs were starting to give out.  My sedentary lifestyle had not prepared my legs for the exhausting nature of this “hike”.  It slowly began to dawn on me that I may not be able to finish this hike – and that would be a first.

It also began to dawn on my sons that Dad – who has always been the one leading the charge – is not the man I used to be.  They had been gracious in setting a slow pace, but now they were genuinely concerned for my wellbeing.

We agreed to part.

They would scamper to the summit and I would continue hiking for another hour and then turnaround if I had not reached the summit. We would meet back at the Grouse Nest restaurant.

The hour past and I had still not reached the summit – I pushed it for another 20 minutes.  For 80 minutes I wrestled with the thought of having to quit and turn around.  What does that say about me?  What would it say to David and Benjamin?  Am I a quitter?  Am I a wimp?

It became painfully obvious to me that if I made the summit, I would certainly not get back down on my own.  My legs were already starting to give out on me, causing me to misstep. If I kept going I would probably collapse somewhere on the mountain and become a liability for my sons.

I turned around.  Exhausted, defeated and embarrassed.

The whole climb back down I was asking the Lord what He wanted to show me – beside the fact that I need to take better care of my physical conditioning.  I thought of the boys up on the top of the mountain alone, without me.  This was the first time in their lives I wouldn’t be there with them, leading the charge.

This is the lesson I learned:  our desire is for our sons/children to exceed us.  We want them to go places in Jesus that we haven’t gone.  A good and right progression in the journey of life is for our children to go farther than we have gone.  In order to do that we need to pass the baton to their Heavenly Father and trust that He will lead them and guide them; He will Father them far better than we can.

They must trust God and journey with Him. They must find their way in Him. We will always love them and be there for them, but they must follow where the Lord is leading them.  God has no grand children.

It’s good and it’s right for them to “go on without me”.

Proverbs 22:6

“Start children off on the way they should go, and even when they are old they will not turn from it.”

Luke 2:49

“Why were you searching for me?” he asked.  “Didn’t you know I had to be in my Father’s house?”

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