Have you ever been really hurt by someone?
Of course you have – everyone has. Sadly, it is part of the human experience, the common bond that binds us all together.
We are human, and, therefore, have to interact with other humans. Humans by our very nature are flawed and foolish. Hey, we’re only ‘human’.
Who hurt you?
Parent, pastor, parishioner, partner, personal friend, employee, employer, co-worker, competitor, spouse, sibling, stranger, relative, teacher?
All of the above?
Being human involves being hurt, offended, bullied, belittled, abandoned and abused by other humans. Certainly there are various degrees of pain and suffering, but typically they are all caused by another person – someone upon whom we may focus our wrath and resentment.
We must understand that resentment, wrath and offense are all prisons that do not bind the offender, but the offended. Our offense actually imprisons us, not them. So, we must do ourselves a favour and let ourselves out of prison.
And, the key to the lock is forgiveness.
However, forgiveness is not the objective, but the opportunity. Forgiveness is not the goal, but the gateway.
Let me explain…
There are seven steps to transition from victim to victor. Seven steps to getting free from offense. Forgiveness is merely the fourth, and the fulcrum.
Initially when we are hurt we are in a state of shock. How could this happen to me? Why? What just happened? We are stupefied by the pain. We can be numb.
Then the grief sets in. We can be overwhelmed by grief and lose hope, passion, purpose, conviction, commitment – heart.
Grief then gives way to anger. Anger never travels alone, it always invites along resentment, bitterness and offense. They can be a tough team to beat. If we do not choose forgiveness we get stuck in the cycle of anger and grief, and trapped in the prison of resentment, bitterness and offense. If we do not insert the key of forgiveness into the lock of our imprisonment we stay bound into a life that is an uphill battle always fighting grief and anger; never experiencing the life Jesus has for us.
Forgiveness opens up the prison to set us free from offense, and is the gateway to true freedom. However, most people stop there. They do not move past forgiveness. It’s definitely better than prison, but there is more…
The next step is gratitude. We choose to be grateful to God for our experience. Grateful for the growth. Grateful for God’s grace. Grateful for the refining of suffering that leads to hope. Grateful that God is sovereign and the tools He chooses to use to work on us are flawed humans just like us.
We can then choose to move to the next stage of freedom, which is repentance for our own issues. We need to own our own stuff. We are not perfect. What do we need to take responsibility for in the situation? Pride, independence, selfishness, self-centeredness, greed, ignorance, ingratitude, ineptitude, indifference? When we own our own issues we have grace for other people’s issues and can more easily forgive. This repentance definitely involves the Lord, and may even involve those by whom we have been offended.
The final stage in freedom from offense is actually blessing the person who hurt you. Do something good to them. Extend kindness. Like Jesus said, “Bless those who curse you.”
A fabulous example of this is Joseph. His brothers sold him into slavery. They essentially killed him. Totally malicious. If anyone had the right to be angry, bitter, resentful and offended it was Joseph. But it was in prison he learned the key to getting out of prison. When he finally had the opportunity to meet those responsible for his pain and suffering he had this to say in Genesis 45,
“And now, do not be distressed and do not be angry with yourselves for selling me here, because it was to save lives that God sent me ahead of you…So then, it was not you who sent me here, but God…You shall live in the region of Goshen and be near me-you, your children and grandchildren, your flocks and herds, and all you have. I will provide for you there, because five years of famine are still to come. Otherwise you and your household and all who belong to you will become destitute.”
“And he kissed all his brothers and wept over them.”
Joseph understood that forgiveness is the key to open the door of the prison of offense. He then transitioned from victim to victor by choosing gratitude, repentance and blessing.
Forgive, be grateful for the sovereignty of God, own your own stuff and then bless those who cursed you.
Forgiveness is the gateway not the goal. The goal is freedom and life in Jesus.
Galatians 5:1
“It is for freedom that Christ has set us free. Stand firm, then, and do not let yourselves be burdened again by a yoke of slavery.”